DEAR MAN is an interpersonal effectiveness skill to use when we want to get an objective met. It is an assertiveness skill that breaks passive aggressive patterns.      

Goal:  Meet Your Objective

·      Describe the current situation

·      Express your feelings and opinions about situation

·      Assert yourself by asking for what you want, or saying “No” clearly

·      Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time: explain consequences

·      Mindfully keep your focus on your objectives: don’t be distracted

·      Appear confident and effective: good eye contact, no stammering

·      Negotiate: be willing to give to get

DEAR MAN Language Help Describe – short 
Description             I notice……..

Express – Opinion/Feeling                I feel………….

Assert – What you are asking for      I need………………. Or I want……….  (“I” statements)

Reinforce- What they will gain         If you do ________________, then _______________

Working with the urge to lash out.
GIVE helps us…

·      Communicate needs effectively

·      Maintain important relationships

·      Promote healthy communication

·      Improves relationship

Gentleness – Be nice. Be Respectful. No attacks, threats, judging or sneering

Interest – Listen and appear interested. Don’t interrupt. Patience

Validate – Show you understand. Support. Empathy (be in their shoes)

Easy manner – Humor. Softness. No attitude.  Let go of being right

Consider:  how do I want the other person to feel about me after our communication?

FAST is an acronym for an interpersonal skill that helps us uphold our self-respect. We use FAST when we feel taken advantage of, someone is overstepping our personal boundaries, and when our self–respect is on the line. F – be Fair

A – no Apologies

S – Stick to your values

T – be Truthful

Be fair to yourself and the other person(s).  No apologizes, this is the not the time to apologize… this may be an opposite action for you.  Stick to your values. Do you know your top 5 values?  Be Truthful, this is when we lie or fabricate or omit stuff, because we feel shame or fear or guilt.  Your truth is good enough and is IMPORTANT!