DEAR MAN is an interpersonal effectiveness skill to use when we want to get an objective met. It is an assertiveness skill that breaks passive aggressive patterns.      

Goal:  Meet Your Objective

·      Describe the current situation

·      Express your feelings and opinions about situation

·      Assert yourself by asking for what you want, or saying “No” clearly

·      Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time: explain consequences

·      Mindfully keep your focus on your objectives: don’t be distracted

·      Appear confident and effective: good eye contact, no stammering

·      Negotiate: be willing to give to get

DEAR MAN Language Help Describe – short 
Description             I notice……..

Express – Opinion/Feeling                I feel………….

Assert – What you are asking for      I need………………. Or I want……….  (“I” statements)

Reinforce- What they will gain         If you do ________________, then _______________

 
 
 
Learn to take one action step at a time to reduce overwhelming feeling and to overcome procrastination.

Determine 1 goal you want to accomplish. Write out, or name, all the action steps you need to take to reach your goal. Put the steps in order, and start with 1 action step at a time.

Doing things step by step, one small action step at time, moves us forward. Looking too far ahead all the time keeps us from the moment and increase anxiety.

We will get further in life if we set a goal, and then work on it, each step, in the present moment.

Reminder: It is the process that is often most rewarding. 


 
 
Working with the urge to lash out.
 
 
GIVE helps us…

·      Communicate needs effectively

·      Maintain important relationships

·      Promote healthy communication

·      Improves relationship

Gentleness – Be nice. Be Respectful. No attacks, threats, judging or sneering

Interest – Listen and appear interested. Don’t interrupt. Patience

Validate – Show you understand. Support. Empathy (be in their shoes)

Easy manner – Humor. Softness. No attitude.  Let go of being right

Consider:  how do I want the other person to feel about me after our communication?

 
 

Check this out on Chirbit
 
 

Check this out on Chirbit
 
 

Check this out on Chirbit
 
 
“Intense Sensations” is a Distress Tolerance skill to use when you are feeling intense emotions. It is especially good to use with panic, anger, disgust, & jealousy.  Yet, it can also be used with other emotion’s. The premise is that it tricks the brain to go to the new “Intense Sensation” and therefore the brain shifts and stops sending out messages for the unwanted emotional experience. This will not take the emotion away entirely, but will bring it down enough that you can better manage the emotion, OR enough so you don’t act out.

Safe Intense Ideas

·      Put ice cubes in hand; hold until you can’t anymore

·      Put 1 or 2 Warhead candies in your mouth

·      Use COLD water on hands & face

·      Short burst of Intense exercise

·      Put a lime or lemon wedge in your mouth

·      Put an atomic bomb candy in your mouth (must be intense)

·      Put a Jalapeno in your mouth

·      Put a “VERY Strong” mint in your mouth

·      Put pop rocks candy in your mouth

 
 
Trauma treatment involves accessing one’s imagination and innate creativity, enhancing competence and taking effective action in the goal to be in charge of yourself.    Bessel van der Kolk 
 

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02/11/2017

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